The One You Need
by Lady Callista
Summary: Kurt couldn't imagine what Blaine and the others were going through right now, not really, but if he was in that room he knew what he would want when it was over. He'd want to hug his dad, and Carole and Finn and all his other friends. And he'd want to hold on to Blaine and never let go. Which sounded like a pretty good plan. ("Shooting Star")
1. Forgiveness

Dislaimer: _Glee_ belongs to FOX, and its creator, writers, producers, etc. I am making no money from this, and no copywrite infringement is intended. All quotes were found online and are attributed to their authors if I could find them.

AN: Because of all the missing scenes from S4, this was the one everyone wanted. And because it kinda bugs me that Blaine's parents are usually not the greatest people in fanfic, I've chosen to portray his mom completely differently than is generally done, although part of that is due to the circumstances. One more story on based on "Shooting Star."

* * *

The One You Need

By Lady Callista

_OoOoOoO_

_"Be careful of whose heart you break, because the one you break today might be the one you'll need tomorrow." -Anonymous_

_OoOoOoO_

Chapter 1: Forgiveness

Kurt let out a sigh as his text alert sounded for the second time in as many minutes. Although it was supposed to be his day off, he'd already taken two calls and over a dozen texts from Isabelle as she stressed and panicked about several articles and photo spreads her team was working on.

He glanced over his shoulder to where his phone sat on the kitchen table, but continued chopping vegetables and adding them to the pot of stew he had simmering. Isabelle's constant interruptions had delayed him, and he needed to get this done if he and the girls were going to eat at a reasonable hour. Rachel would be home from classes soon, and Santana home from work about thirty minutes later.

His text alert sounded again, and Kurt let out another sigh, this one slightly more frustrated. He loved his job, he really did, and he loved Isabelle, but he had really been looking forward to some alone time today, some time to just de-stress, but with the amount of time Isabelle had taken up he should have just gone into work.

Finally finishing the vegetables, he was just about to find out what Isabelle wanted now when he heard the door to the loft open. "Hey, Rachel." He called out even as he heard her phone ring.

"Hey, Kurt." She called back as the ringing stopped. Her voice still carried as she said excitedly, "Hey, Tina. Haven't heard from you in a while, what's…."

Kurt forgot all about his phone, and anything else, when Rachel trailed off for a second, and then her voice came back sounding worried and edged in panic, "Wait, Tina, slow down, I can barely understand you."

Kurt rushed over and Rachel pulled her phone from her ear at his approach, hitting the speaker button and filling the loft with Tina's hysterical voice. "…was late for glee club, had to run out to my car to get something, and suddenly there were all these cop cars, and SWAT, and… and they say there were two gunshots fired in the school, and everyone's in the choir room, and I don't know what to do, they don't know if anyone got shot or not, and I needed to talk to someone, and I knew you guys would want to know, and…"

Kurt felt the rush of fear and dread flow over him, damn near suffocating him, even as Rachel reached for his hand, a similar expression on her face as their hands linked and clutched, too hard but not enough. She managed to say, "Tina, calm down. Is… is Finn in there?"

"No, he's doing the college thing, but Rachel everyone else is in there. Artie and Sam, and Blaine, and, oh God I need to call Kurt too…"

"I'm here." Kurt barely recognized his own voice.

"Oh, Kurt." Tina's voice was slower now, but no less hysterical. "What if something happens to them? What if…"

"Tina, they'll be okay." Kurt managed to whisper, heart clutching at the thought of Blaine in danger. Blaine scared. Blaine shot. The last thought had tears trailing down his face, and he tried to erase it from his mind but just couldn't. Hoping to reassure himself as much as Tina, he added, "They have to be. We had drills for this, and lectures. Everyone knows what to do, and…"

Kurt suddenly stopped speaking as he remembered one of those things they had been told to do. Get on Facebook, and Twitter, and text, and get the word out. _Text._

Feeling like he was moving faster than he ever had in his life, Kurt shot back into the kitchen to get his phone. Heart racing, fear surging through him, it took Kurt three tries to type his password into his phone, and when he did his heart almost stopped in relief. All three texts were from Blaine.

_Are you there?_

_Please, please be there._

_I love you and I always will._

Kurt sank into a chair, relief surging through him even as he began to text back. He called out even as he typed, "Blaine's okay."

_I'm here. I love you. I know. Is everyone okay?_

Rachel moved into the kitchen, collapsing onto the floor beside him, her hand gripping his knee even as her head came to rest in his lap. He stroked a hand over her hair absently as he listened to Tina on the speaker, "Blaine's okay? What about everyone else?"

Kurt stopped stroking Rachel's hair as his phone went off again, and he sighed in relief.

_Everyone's here but Tina. We're all okay._

"Everyone's okay, Tina." He said, feeling a shudder of relief go through Rachel even as he texted a reply.

_Tina called us, she's outside and okay. Cops are there._

Kurt felt another tear trickle down his face when Blaine's next text came through, even as he heard Tina saying she had to go because her mom had just texted and she needed to call her.

_I'm so scared._

Kurt texted back even as Rachel said a tear-filled goodbye to Tina.

_Courage._

He needed to find some himself.

"They must be terrified." Rachel's quiet whisper sounded loud in the silence of the loft, and Kurt resumed petting her hair.

A minute passed, then another, as they sat in the kitchen wishing they could be six hundred miles away. Kurt wanted to text again, wanted to tell Blaine to keep texting so he knew he was okay, but he didn't know what was going on. He would answer if Blaine texted again, but until then all they could do was hope.

"They'll be okay." Kurt whispered. "They'll be okay, they have to be okay."

"They'll be okay." Rachel echoed it like a mantra.

"I feel so helpless." Kurt whispered after another long stretch of silence. "We're so far away. It's not like we could do anything even if we were in Lima, but…"

"But you could hold him when it was over." Rachel whispered, her hand squeezing his knee gently. "God, if Finn was in that room I think I'd be on the next flight to Lima."

Fly down to Lima. The thought ran on a loop in his head. He had work tomorrow, and classes, but tomorrow was Friday and his weekend was clear. Fly down to Lima. Well, he had a meeting and Saturday brunch with Isabelle and editors, but he was sure she would understand. He didn't really have the money, but his dad had given him a credit card for emergencies, and he was sure this would count. Fly down to Lima.

Great Gaga, all he wanted in this moment was to have the boy he loved in his arms. It didn't matter that they weren't a couple anymore, it didn't matter that they'd both hurt each other. All he wanted was to hold his best friend, to have that proof that he was okay, that everything was okay.

He couldn't imagine what Blaine and the others were going through right now, not really, but if he was in that room he knew what he would want when it was over. He'd want to hug his dad, and Carole and Finn and all his other friends. And he'd want to hold on to Blaine and never let go.

"I'm going." His voice was quiet, but certain. "I have an exam tomorrow I can't miss, and a deadline at work, but… but I'll get a flight out tomorrow night, and…"

They both jumped when his phone rang.

"It's Blaine." He said even as he answered. If he was calling instead of texting it had to be over. "Blaine." His voice almost broke as he whispered into the phone.

"Kurt, oh, god, Kurt."

Kurt could hear the relief in the shaking voice, and it literally _hurt _that he wasn't there with Blaine. "Shh, it's okay sweetheart. You're okay."

"None of us are hurt, but we're not okay." Blaine's voice was trembling violently.

"You will be." Kurt whispered back, jumping again even as he heard the door open and Santana call out.

"Hey, bitches." Santana strolled into the kitchen a second later, stopping dead in her tracks as she took in the scene before her.

Kurt was collapsed in a chair, his upper body laying on the table, tears trickling down his face as he spoke softly into his phone. Rachel still knelt on the floor, crying as well, hands clutching Kurt's legs and her head on his lap.

Kurt could literally see the sarcastic comment forming in Santana's mind even as he continued to murmur assurances to Blaine over the phone, and gave her credit when she realized that this was something bad and not one of them having a drama queen moment about something stupid at school. The quip died on her tongue and she hurried across the room to kneel next to Rachel. "What happened?"

Kurt tuned them out as Rachel began to explain, starting with the phrase _they're all okay _to save Santana the panic and worry that he and Rachel had been going through for the past half-hour.

He concentrated on the voice in his ear, murmuring love and comforting words and wishing that Blaine was in his arms.

OoOoOoO

It was just short of nine the next night when Kurt turned his rental car into the Anderson driveway. He hadn't called ahead, not sure what his reception would be with Blaine's parents but determined to get into the house.

He clipped up the walk, rang the doorbell, and waited. The Mrs. Anderson who opened the door wasn't the one Kurt was used to seeing, not that she or her husband had ever been around much.

The Mrs. Anderson that Kurt knew was impeccably tailored in classic styles that screamed money. Her make-up was always subtly understated, her hair perfectly styled. She always spoke politely to Kurt, but it was a false, bored politeness that was all breeding and no warmth. He wasn't sure he had ever seen a real, true emotion cross her face.

The woman who stood before the open door wore a green silk skirt suit, but it was wrinkled, and stained at the collar with what Kurt was fairly certain were tears. Her hair was loose and flat, and although she wore more make-up than normal it couldn't hide the dark circles under her eyes. Her face practically radiated pain.

She greeted him with a hug, and Kurt briefly wondered if he had landed in a parallel universe.

"Kurt, Blaine didn't tell me you were coming." She said softly as she moved back, keeping an arm around him as she pulled him into the house.

"I didn't tell him." Kurt said softly. "I had to fly-standby, and I wasn't sure when or if I would get here. I thought it might be worse if I told him and then couldn't make it."

Mrs. Anderson nodded too rapidly even as she began ushering him across the grand foyer. "He… He's trying to sleep, I was just up there with him. We didn't sleep at all last night, and he must be more exhausted than I am, but he just can't sleep."

"Worrying about someone else can be just as exhausting." Kurt said softly, deciding not to question or think about how different Blaine's mother was at the moment, and sliding a careful arm around her back to mirror the one she still had around his waist. Stress and worry caused people to act in all kinds of strange ways. At least he knew Blaine was being taken care of, which was something that having met the Andersons Kurt hadn't been sure would be the case.

"Can you stay?" Mrs. Anderson asked quietly, pausing before they went up the stairs.

"My flight out is Sunday afternoon, I just had to see Blaine tonight before I went on to my dads. I was going to call Blaine tomorrow." Kurt replied, not sure what she was asking.

"You can stay here tonight, if you want." Mrs. Anderson made it more clear. "You can be with him."

Kurt's thoughts reeled, and he wondered if she had any idea what had happened between the two of them. As if reading the look on his face, she stepped back just enough to look clearly into his eyes as she continued.

"I know what happened between the two of you, and I know what's happened since. Blaine and I may not talk much, but I do try to keep track of what's important to him." Mrs. Anderson's voice was soft, but so emotional, and Kurt found himself wondering how he could have ever thought she was disinterested in her son and his life. "I also know he still loves you, and since you're here I think you might feel the same."

Kurt took a deep, steadying breath. Of all the situations he had thought he might run across tonight, and had prepared scripts for on the too long flight, this one hadn't even flickered in his mind as being possible. All he could do was speak from the heart. "We're not a couple anymore, Mrs. Anderson, and we both understand that we might never be again. But we're still best friends, and yes, we still love each other. And if he wants me to stay, I will. Although I certainly wasn't expecting the offer."

Her eyes filled with tears, "I can't help him, Kurt. I've done everything I can think of, but he still can't sleep. He's barely eating, he just lays on his bed and stares into space. He went to school today, and he said they did something in the glee club that helped a little, but he jumps at the smallest sounds, and…"

"Mrs. Anderson." Kurt interrupted softly. "That's normal. It just takes time."

"I know that, I was researching reactions to events like this for half of the day!" Her voice raised in anger before dropping into a tone of utter defeat. "But he's my baby, and he's hurting, and it kills me that I can't do anything."

"I know how you feel." Kurt whispered softly, daring to pull her into another hug, which was warmly received. "He'll be okay, he's too strong to not get over this."

"He'll need your strength, too." She replied even as she pulled back.

"That's why I'm here." Kurt answered softly. "Can I just go up?"

Mrs. Anderson nodded softly. "I'll be in the living room if either of you need anything."

"Thank you, Mrs. Anderson." Kurt replied, still amazed at how this interaction had progressed. It was sad that it took an incident like this for it to happen.

"You're an adult now, Kurt." She said softly as she withdrew. "Call me Sarah. And thank you for loving my baby."

"I kinda can't help it." Kurt whispered under his breath, staring after her for a long moment before giving himself a small shake. He could contemplate this more later.

He took the stairs two at a time.

Time seemed to blur as he reached the landing, nearly jogging by now, and burst through the open door of Blaine's room. The next breath he took he was on the bed, his arms full of Blaine. Blaine's face was buried in the crook of his neck, arms clutching him as tightly and close as he could. He leaned down, kissing Blaine's forehead before resting his cheek on his temple, hands running over his back as if to assure himself the boy in his arms was really real, was really okay.

"I'm so glad you're here. I wanted you to come so much but I was afraid to ask." Blaine sobbed out. "I was holding it together at school, under that calm, controlled mask only you ever got to see under. But I don't really know how to deal with this. I don't know how to feel safe again."

Kurt tightened his arms, kissing Blaine's forehead again. "What can I do?"

"Exactly what you are." Blaine whispered, breath hitching. "Your arms were always the safest place in the world."

Kurt's heart nearly shattered, because he had always felt the same way, and damn it he still did, he realized, thinking back to Christmas. "I'm here, sweetheart. For as long as you need me."

He knew the words were true even as he was surprised that they were. He would miss work if he needed to, and classes, and whatever it took for as long as it took. Because that was what you did for someone you loved. That was what you did for the most important person in your life.

And with that thought, the last kernel of pain he had still harbored over Blaine cheating on him just washed away. It just didn't seem to matter anymore, not when there was still so much love.

"Blaine." Kurt's voice came out almost beseeching, and something in the tone had Blaine pulling back just enough to look into his eyes. Kurt held eye contact for a long moment, one of his hands sliding up to cup Blaine's cheek.

He had been thinking about this since it occurred to him soon after he and Blaine had hung up the day before, how he would have felt if Blaine had died before he could forgive him. He's pretty sure he would have gone to his grave regretting it. If he had thought of it the day before he would have texted that forgiveness to Blaine.

It had to have been even worse for Blaine, thinking he might die without being forgiven. Kurt knew him well enough to know that it was something he thought about often, even if he didn't ever let it show.

"Blaine, I forgive you." Kurt had never meant any words more, except maybe when he used to tell Blaine that he loved him.

Blaine's eyes widened in shock and amazement, and then the tears started flowing again, even harder than before. He threw himself back against Kurt's chest, curling up and clinging unashamedly.

Kurt just continued to rub his back, murmuring soothingly until he felt the tears starting to slow, and Blaine began to grow heavier in his arms.

Outside, someone slammed a car door, and he felt Blaine's entire body tense.

"It's okay, sweetheart." Kurt whispered. "I'm here. Everything's okay."

The tension relaxed at once, and he heard Blaine mumble that he loved him before his body relaxed into sleep.

"I love you, too." Kurt breathed back. "Always."

It didn't hurt to say it anymore.

Kurt cuddled down on the bed a little more, getting comfortable, and even in sleep Blaine unconsciously shifted with him. Kurt let his thoughts drift as he held Blaine, occasionally whispering and stroking when Blaine seemed to get agitated.

An undetermined amount of time later, he looked up when he heard a small rustle in the doorway, and saw Mrs An… Sarah, he reminded himself, standing there with a few tears trailing down her face.

He offered her a small smile, which she returned even as she mouthed 'thank you' before hitting the light switch by the door and casting the room into darkness.

The soft click of the door closing didn't disturb Blaine.

Kurt stayed awake until dawn, just thinking and watching Blaine breath.

TBC…

_The second/last part should be out in a few days._


	2. Trust

Dislaimer: _Glee_ belongs to FOX, and its creator, writers, producers, etc. I am making no money from this, and no copywrite infringement is intended. All quotes were found online and are attributed to their authors if I could find them.

AN: Someone asked me if this was a sequel to either of my other Klaine stories. It's not, exactly, but all of my stories _do_ take place in the same world, and assume that the events in the other stories happened. But you'll never need to have read any of my other stories to understand a new one. Although if something is referenced, and you're going _I don't remember that happening_, well, it's probably from one of my other stories. (Or it's from the Box Scene, which like many writers I treat as cannon, but I imagine pretty much everyone has seen that, lol) Thanks to those who reviewed the previous part, and I hope everyone continues to enjoy.

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The One You Need

By Lady Callista

_OoOoOoO_

"_People believe that it's hard to forgive. Well I say, to forgive is easier than learning to trust again." -Abhishek Tiwari_

_OoOoOoO_

Chapter 2: Trust

Kurt considered beauty sleep very important, and there were very few things that could make him lose it. Blaine had always been one of those things.

He lay on Blaine's bed, the boy in question still curled up in his arms, head resting on his chest as he slept deeply.

But despite the fact that he had slept poorly the night before, and was even now watching the sun rise through Blaine's window, he didn't think he had ever been further from sleep.

His thoughts had been drifting all night, from one happy memory with Blaine to another.

He had thought about the first time they met, and the way his heart had leapt when Blaine took his hand and pulled him down the hall. The amazement and instant infatuation when Blaine had spun around in the common room, locking eyes with him as he started to sing _Teenaged Dream_.

Which had reminded him of performing it with the Warbers at his lonely heart's party, and how earlier that day he had confessed that he liked Blaine. The song had still been playing in his head as he remembered dancing, well swaying, to it with Blaine in this very room before they made love for the first time.

The memory of the heartbreaking piano version of it, and what had come after, was quickly brushed aside. Because while forgiving something didn't mean forgetting, it did mean not dwelling on it.

All the good memories, and there were so many of them. Not just the big ones like the first kiss, or the first _I love you_, but the simplest little things as well. Cuddling on the couch while watching movies, and singing to each other in the car. The way they would link hands in public, and both know it meant as much as a kiss. The way Blaine had made a promise ring out of gum wrappers, and how it was still in a box in his nightstand along with dozens of other mementos of their times together. Mementos that, while they had been relegated to a drawer instead of being displayed around his room as they had once been, meant just as much to him as they ever had.

His thoughts had continued on like that as the hours passed, not linear in the slightest but hopping back and forth as one thing reminded him of another.

Kurt was smiling softly, remembering sitting next to this very bed and reading Shakespearian sonnets to an eye-patch sporting Blaine, when he felt the boy in his arms begin to stir.

He held his silence, stroking a hand gently over Blaine's back as Blaine woke up slowly, sighing softly as he cuddled in closer.

"It wasn't a dream." Blaine whispered after a moment. "You're really here."

"Of course I'm here." Kurt whispered back.

There was silence for several minutes after that, and Kurt was just beginning to wonder if Blaine had fallen back to sleep when he spoke softly, "I was so scared. We were _all _so scared. We didn't know what had happened, if someone was dying right at that second. Mr. Shue had locked the doors, but I think we all knew that they could be kicked in. We knew we could die any second. And people were recording video goodbyes on their phones, and…"

Blaine trailed off on a sob, and Kurt made soothing noises as began stroking soothingly over Blaine's back again. "You don't have to talk about it."

"It's worse not to." Blaine admitted brokenly. "It just keeps spinning around and around in my head, and everyone always says that you can't get over things unless you talk about them, but talking about it brings it all back too, makes it even more horrifying, but you've always been the person I could talk about anything with, and…"

"Shhhh." Kurt dropped a kiss on Blaine's forehead. "The first thing you need to do is delete that video goodbye. Never say goodbye, remember?"

"I… I didn't make one." Blaine whispered. "I couldn't. There was just too much to say, and I thought it might actually make you feel worse if… I mean, there was too much to say, but at the same time nothing to say. You knew I would always love you, and nothing else really mattered."

"You remember what I said last night, right?" Kurt asked softly. "I'd say that matters."

"I was afraid that was a dream, too." Blaine's voice was more vulnerable than Kurt had ever heard it.

"Look at me." Kurt's voice was still gentle, but firm, and Blaine slid back at once, propping himself up on an elbow and meeting Kurt's eyes after only a slight hesitation. Kurt reached out to run his fingers over Blaine's cheek as he whispered, "I forgive you."

Blaine swallowed harshly as his eyes filled with tears. "I wanted to ask you about that the other day, but I knew I couldn't. It wouldn't have felt real if you only said it because you were afraid I was going to…"

"Shhhh." Kurt hushed before Blaine could say the final word. He didn't even want to think about that. "I didn't even think of it then. I didn't realize it until last night, when I was holding you and I realized that you were still the most important person in my life. It hurt too much to not forgive you, it hurt too much to have that between us when there was still so much love."

"Kurt…" Blaine was completely at a loss for words; he had been half convinced this day would never come.

"I'm not saying… what I mean is…"

They were still so in tune with each other that Blaine understood what Kurt was getting at, and was perfectly okay with it. "Forgiveness is different than trust, Kurt, I know that. I know I have to earn that back, and I know you can't promise that I ever will. But you can't know what it means to me that you forgive me. That you can still say you love me, and I know you mean it."

"Even when I couldn't forgive you I still loved you." Kurt reminded him softly.

Blaine smiled then, a small smile but a real one. "I believe you, because I don't think anything you could ever do would make me stop loving you."

Their eyes were still locked, emotions overflowing from both of them, and Kurt couldn't stop himself from reaching out and running his fingers over Blaine's cheek again. "It hurts me, like physically hurts me, to see you the way you were last night, the way you were earlier when you were talking about what happened. And I want to do anything, everything, to comfort you, but I don't want to give you the wrong idea, and I don't want to hurt you again if you think that…"

"Don't worry about that." Blaine whispered. "I get it Kurt, I really do. I promise I won't read anything into… well, anything. It just helps so much that you're here."

"I want to do something, because if our positions were reversed it's what I'd want, and I've missed you so much, but…"

"Kurt." Blaine cut him off gently, as he had always done when Kurt started to babble. "What do you want to do?"

Kurt didn't answer with words, but his eyes softened even further and he let his fingers slid from Blaine's cheek around to the nape of his neck, shifting onto his side in a mirror position of how Blaine lay. Blaine's eyes widened and his breath hitched as he realized what was about to happen, and an instant later his eyes slid shut as their lips met ever so lightly.

Between the long months apart and how emotionally vulnerable they both were at the moment, what happened next was pretty much inevitable.

Blaine let out a deep sigh after the first light brush of lips, his body trembling as his arm snaked around Kurt's waist, fingers sliding unthinkingly under the hem of his shirt to rest warmly on the small of his back.

Their lips brushed again, and again, sweetness turning to need and something that felt like desperation.

Kurt's hand tightened on the back of Blaine's neck, pulling him back in for a deeper kiss even as he shifted until the long lines of their bodies touched as well.

Blaine gasped as their cores touched, feeling both their bodies react, and it would have been simple, so simple, to just let themselves keep going. To just forget everything bad and lose themselves in each other like they used to. But something about it just felt wrong and Blaine pulled back with a gasp, breathing heavy and eyes too wide.

Kurt could see the arousal warring with something that looked like fear in Blaine's eyes, and took a couple of deep breaths before whispering, "It's okay. Just let me give this to you, let's just forget about everything for a little while, and…"

"I can't." Blaine whispered. "Gods, Kurt, you don't know how much I want to, but I can't. It's the same as how you forgiving me wouldn't mean anything if you only did it because you thought…" He trailed off, remembering how Kurt had cut him off earlier before he could say the word _die_.

"It's not just because of that." Kurt whispered back. "Gods, Blaine, I just miss you so much, and we're still teenaged boys with all the needs that entails, and it's not like we didn't already do this at the wedding that wasn't, and…"

"That was different." Blaine whispered back, rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. "At least it was for me."

"What was it?" Kurt questioned softly, incredibly curious. He knew what it had been for him, despite his saying at the time that it was only physical, and he wanted to know if Blaine had felt the same way.

"It…" Blaine's voice hitched, and his hands came up to cover his face.

Kurt remained silent, not pushing and giving Blaine the time he needed to collect himself.

"Don't be mad, okay." Blaine whispered, continuing on before Kurt could answer. "I didn't know if we could ever be what we were again, and it was easier to see if the physical was still there than dealing with the emotional, and… and I had just missed you so much, wanted you so much…We got back to being friends again, and then best friends, but I didn't know how it would feel if we… I didn't know if bad memories would intrude, or bad feelings, or just that insane pain squeezing the heart. I wasn't really thinking about it at the time, it's not like I had some grand plan or something, but I realized after that it was about seeing if we could get that back, if it could still be as amazing as it always had been." It had been, he wanted to say but didn't.

"It was the same for me." Kurt breathed when Blaine trailed off this time, somewhat surprised yet on another level not surprised in the slightest that they had been on the same page, even without discussing it. They almost always had been. "It was so familiar, and easy, to trust you with my body. To just be with you again and forget everything else for a little while. You're still the only one I've ever…"

Blaine rolled onto his side, needing to see Kurt's expression. The pain he had dreaded seeing wasn't there, and he risked giving too much information to whisper back, "You're the only one I've… I mean I didn't…we got each other off but we didn't…"

Kurt's eyes widened, and he took a few deep breaths as his mind raced furiously. He remembered something Rachel had said to him months ago, reminding him of how Blaine had been so insanely jealous over flirtatious texts last year, and had called it cheating. They had speculated briefly on what Blaine had actually done, but at the time it had hurt too much for Kurt to even consider asking for details. But now that the topic had been broached he couldn't help but want to know, especially since it seemed like what he had imagined was so much worse than the reality. "I didn't think I would ever want the details, I thought there would always be that one thing we couldn't talk about, but maybe we need to."

The hesitancy was there in Kurt's voice, but Blaine could hear curiosity as well. He could read the dichotomy in his eyes as well, but went with the words and replied even as he turned to look at the ceiling again. "We kissed, I mean obviously I told you before that's how it started, but we… when the clothes came off it was just hands. And I know that doesn't make it better, I know nothing could, but…"

"Actually it does." Kurt breathed. "One of the hardest things about this was that what we had was so special. We weren't just each other's first, we were each other's only, and I thought we always would be. That no one else would ever see either of us like that, naked and vulnerable, sharing everything. No one else would ever know what you felt like in their mouth, or what it felt like when you were… when you were inside them. It does help, to know how much is still just… just _ours_."

"But you don't trust me anymore, you don't trust that I want that to stay _ours_, forever." Blaine whispered, continuing on when he saw something come into Kurt's eyes. "And that's okay. That's my fault, and that's okay. But I promised you I wouldn't read anything into anything today, and I can't… I couldn't keep that promise if we did this right now. I'm too…. It would be too much right now, emotionally, and it would just hurt so much, for both of us cause I couldn't hide it, and…"

"Shhhh." Kurt leaned in, kissing Blaine gently on the cheek before resting his head on his chest as their arms wrapped around each other again. "I get it. And I think you're right, I know you are, I just wanted… I wanted to make all the pain go away for a little while."

"It did." Blaine whispered. "All I needed for that was for you to hold me. I needed my best friend, and you were here."

"And I always will be." Kurt replied immediately.

Blaine was silent for a long moment before he whispered almost inaudibly, "The tiniest part of me wanted you in that room with me. But all the rest of me was glad you weren't."

"A part of me wished I was there the second Tina told us." Kurt replied with complete honesty, not surprised in the slightest. He was pretty sure that's how he would have felt if their places had been reversed. "I think it would have been easier to be in there with you than out here, not knowing."

"That's almost exactly what Tina said yesterday." Blaine answered. "I told her she _was_ there. She was _with_ us."

Kurt smiled softly, understand the sentiment and the fact that Blaine also meant the words for him. "You're right, but I like where I am now much better."

"Me too." Blaine whispered, dropping a kiss on Kurt's forehead. It was second nature when they were cuddled up like this, and it still felt perfectly right.

Kurt sighed as he was reminded of a thought he'd had at Christmas, when they had been cuddled up like this on his bed in the loft in Bushwick. Then it had been Blaine comforting him, and the thought had been that with their history they were bound to have a different comfort level with each other than most friends.

And as he listened to the comforting thump of Blaine's heart, he realized he was perfectly okay with that.

They were silent again, each drifting in their own thoughts, and Kurt found himself contemplating what he, and it turned out Blaine as well, had been thinking when they made lo… hooked up last time. They had already gotten so much of their relationship back, maybe they really could get it all.

Maybe the day would come when the thought of that excited him more than terrified him.

For the first time since Blaine had shattered his heart all those months ago, Kurt very seriously contemplated how long it would take for him to truly trust Blaine with everything again.

Because it really didn't seem like a matter of _if_ anymore, but a matter of _when_.

THE END


End file.
